About the Guest
Divorce often offers more problems than solutions. When Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs said “I do” they thought it would be forever. But just a few short years after saying their vows, Cheryl was serving Jeff with divorce papers, leaving them both wondering what happened to their good life. Today Jeff and Cheryl talk about life after their divorce.
Divorce often offers more problems than solutions.
Bob: What do you do with a daughter in one arm, and the shock in your hands?
Jeff: You know for the moment I think I was just numb. I can’t remember which girl it was – it was one of my daughters. I took her back up the stairs and put them to bed. Then I just went in my room and I was bawling like a baby. I’m thinking, what is going on? I couldn’t figure it out. I need help. We need help!
Cheryl: He was trying to come to me. Not every day, but he would come to me, and I had shunned him so much that I was starting to sleep upstairs. That’s a very common thing that couples do also is they go to separate parts of the home and start sleeping there. Our girls were young enough where they didn’t know that was happening.
So, he would do things! In fact one time (I’m a big golfer) Jeff was trying to shower me with anything he could. His heart, material things, he bought a set of Ping i2’s for me and put them under the sheets.
Jeff: I was desperate!
Cheryl: I thought this isn’t going to get it. I was just numb! I didn’t care what he was doing!
Bob: At the point that you were served papers, and even at the point that the divorce was final, you still had no idea that there was another man?
Jeff: I had no idea! I thought something was wrong with us. One of us had something going on mentally like what is going on?
Bob: One of us – like her!
Cheryl: Like me – right! Yes, that’s right! He actually asked me three or four times if there was someone else.
Dennis: Yes, she had lied to you multiple times, and the reality of this is another principle that we’ve been talking about here: Tell the truth to your spouse!
Dennis: Don’t hide things from your spouse. A small thing can become a big thing!
Bob: Do you think there’s anything Jeff could have done? The Ping i2’s weren’t going to work!
If he had come in and sat down in front of you and said, “I’ll do whatever”!
Cheryl: He did that! I think that what was important to see from that is that I needed to communicate to him early on. That’s what the missing link was. That’s what I want couples to hear is that if you’re feeling empty and if you’re feeling things don’t be afraid to go to your spouse, and start working on it.
My Mom said to me the day I told her we were getting divorced – of course she cried, and my Dad said, “Of all you kids, I never thought you and Jeff would get divorced, but you kids you never work on anything”! So, that was a big thing – I still remember to this day now being almost 20 years ago or so.
Dennis: I’m listening to your story and I’m thinking of Proverbs 24: 3-4—by wisdom a house is built. I’ve never thought about this before, but you could also say the opposite of that— by foolishness a house is torn down. Foolishness doesn’t have to just be an affair. It can be a lack of understanding, a lack of initiative, passivity, and a failure to pursue. You both had added to the collapse of this marriage. It wasn’t one person’s fault.
I think the challenge to those who are listening is how do you get the wisdom to build a house that withstands the storms of life? They will come – the storms are out there, and there will be temptations. How do you build a house that can stand strong in this culture? Bob, a book like this can give hope to people who otherwise have no hope. They think they’re the only people in their city, or their community that have problems.
Bob: Right, andthat may not be you – the person who is listening, but it could be that you know somebody who is in this situation. You could get a copy of this book and pass it along to them, and provide them with help, and with encouragement.
We have copies of the book at our FamilyLife Today resource center, and you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and find out more about how to order a copy of the book I Do Again by Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs.
Again the web site is FamilyLifeToday.com, or here’s another idea: if you know a couple that is in a tough spot in their marriage, why don’t you call them and invite them to join you and all of you go to together to a Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference when it comes to a city near where you live this fall.
To help make that possible for you, here’s what we’re doing for FamilyLife Today listeners this week and next week: When you call to register for an upcoming conference you register you and your spouse at the regular rate and we’re going to send you a certificate for a second couple to attend free.
So, you and your spouse register at the regular rate, you’ll get a certificate for a second couple to attend with you at no cost. You can send that certificate to somebody who lives across the country if you want to, you can pass it along to your married son and his wife, or your married daughter and her husband, or to your Mom and Dad for that matter. However you’d like to use it, but it’s a buy one get one free opportunity for the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference – it’s for FamilyLife Today listeners, and it’s this week and next week only.
So to take advantage of this opportunity, you need to go online at FamilyLifeToday.com. There’s more information about when the conferences are being held, in what cities this fall, and you can register online for the conference. When you register, you want to make sure that you type my name in the promo code box on the registration form: just type in “Bob” and that will qualify you for the buy one get one free opportunity for the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.
Or, simply call 1-800-FLTODAY, we can answer any questions you have about when the conference is coming to a place near where you live and we can get you registered over the phone. Just make sure that you mention “Bob told me to call” or that you are a FamilyLife Today listener so that you can take advantage of this special buy one get one free opportunity.
You and your spouse register at the regular rate and another couple can attend with you at no cost. All the details are available online at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can get more when you call us at 1-800-FLTODAY.
Well, tomorrow we are going to hear how God eventually brought Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs back together to where they said, “I Do Again.” I hope you can be with us for that.
I want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I’m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.
FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.
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