Have you ever thought, Dang, I just don’t get her? You’re frustrated at your wife’s frustration with you. It’s hard to measure up as a husband! Deep down, you desire to please her. But you don’t know where to start.
For me, it happened again this morning. I let her sleep in an extra 20 minutes while I fed the boys their breakfast. Killin’ it!
But once she woke up, I realized something was off. When I asked, she answered (with grace), “Thanks for serving me, Justin. But the lawn. You said last week you’d mow it. We have company coming over.”
I wanted to scream, “Cut me some slack, sleepy-head!” Thankfully, I didn’t. But still—what’s with that reaction?
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been there too. While we can’t crack the code to every situation, the following list is a great way to start loving your wife in a way that makes her flourish. (For the example above, see #12. She had every right to confront me like that.)
Here are 25 no fail ways to please her:
1. Lavish her with attention.
Take on an “unhurried heart” so you’re free from distractedly thinking about where you’re not. Let her experience the full weight of your attention.
2. Value her emotions by unveiling yours.
Disarm the stereotype. Go before the Lord and ask for a talkative heart. Then, just chat about what’s going on in that big ‘ole heart of yours.
3. Date your wife.
On your wedding day, she declared to the world, “You are worthy of pursuing me.” Have you slowed your pursuit? What deterred you? Husband, get in there and win her heart. Again. Daily.
4. Shatter her expectations on your next date.
I mean, go over the top! I’m not talking money. For example, call the restaurant ahead of time and make an arrangement. Have the waiter recite a humorous poem you emailed over the night before. You will benefit from this, too. She’ll tell everyone about what you did until her last breath.
5. Seize the calendar.
Purchase a brand-new calendar. Together, plan out the year’s date nights, weekend getaways, and vacations. Sure, things will need to be moved around. But once it’s penciled in, you’ll be more conscious of that calendar.
6. Forget yourself.
Yes, you read that right. Tuck your needs in your back pocket, and lean in to her every need. Lead her by example into doing the same and presto! You’re set for a thriving marriage.
7. Unearth the inner potato within you … and mash it.
You have no right to come home and veg-out in front of a screen (whether that’s with a remote or a controller). So stop pretending like you do. Pull into your driveway every day, and say this five-second prayer: “God, I’m tired, but my best energy is needed here.”
8. Commend her God-given gifts.
Nothing lights up her world more than you looking into her eyes and affirming something core to who she is: “Honey, you’re the best I’ve ever seen at _____.” Do this often.
9. Cherish her uniqueness aloud.
Whether you’re alone or in public with close friends, use those vocal cords to build her up. Make sure she knows how set apart she is from other ladies.
10. Notice things.
Yes, things. Anything. Is the car cleaned out? Do new pillows lounge upon your couch? Are her nails done? Notice it and name it. This demands of us an unwavering attention to the better world she’s creating every day.
11. Detect when things are off.
As husbands, we are notoriously, embarrassingly awful at this. Tenderly inquire if something’s up whenever you sense it. You can create a safe space within the tone of your question.
12. Stick to your word, even in the small things.
The moment she doubts you’ll actually get around to changing the light bulbs this afternoon, is the moment trust starts to crack. The enemy cheers for that moment.
13. Beat her to the punch … of asking for forgiveness.
Repeat after me, “I. Am. Sorry.” Guys, for real, that’ll get you so far in marriage. Those three words are often sweeter than, “I love you!”
14. Obtain perspective in conflict.
Specifically, look past her rage-mode insults of that thing you forgot to do seven months ago, and remember what she desires, more than anything, is to connect with you. That’s all this fight is about: she wants to feel connected. And something’s blocking that.
15. Defend her from all attacks.
Especially if it’s your own family throwing the darts. As her husband, you’ve made your choice on who’s number one. Let the world know.
16. Acknowledge that her job is (most likely) way harder than yours.
If she’s the primary homemaker, she’s no stranger to unnoticed, overlooked, ordinary, and unthanked tasks. Press in with honor, husband.
17. Report the details of your day to her.
When your wife asks, “How was work, Babe?” don’t respond with, “Good.” Instead, explain when you felt significant, where you could use prayer, how you laughed, who you talked to, and more.
18. Include her in financial decisions.
Knowing no matter what money came from her paycheck or yours, that it’s all shared, will really boost your oneness. May the words, “You make me feel so inferior,” never come from her mouth.
19. Cuddle and kiss her daily.
If make-out sessions lead to sex every time, your wife could start resenting them. Kiss for the sake of kissing. You probably learned that in high school!
20. Let her make the rules about your interaction with other women.
For example: never being alone in a car together, never private message on social media, etc. Name one thing more important than her sense of safety in marriage. You can’t!
21. Protect your sexual union
Demolish all other avenues of stimulation. Ponder the verb demolish for a moment.
22. Swoon over her beauty.
Clearly, she’s a hottie inside and out. You chose her! God requires of us to get intoxicated by her love, her beauty (Proverbs 5:19). Okay, Lord, if I have to …
23. Swell with pride at her compliments.
If she opens up in vulnerability to compliment you, swiping the comment away isn’t humility. It’s foolishness. Receive the affirmation your wife gives.
24. Advise your soul to stay tethered to the Bible.
It’s the True North for every marriage.
25. Follow Jesus’ leading in your personal life and as you lead your family.
She’ll gladly follow you in your process of following Him.
As a final word, husbands, don’t see this list as the law. You’ll get crushed by it. You’ll always feel worthless. You might wonder if you’ll ever measure up. And you’ll count yourself a failure.
Rather, sense the heart, the essence, of each one, and take an improving step today. Perhaps focus on one a week. Within six months, you’ll be a walking stud muffin.
In a word, these can all be summarized with “love.” Love your wife as Jesus loves you. Don’t complicate it. In His grace, with His help, you can change the culture of your home by doing these things so her life—and your life together—will flourish.
Copyright © 2019 Justin Talbert. All rights reserved.
Justin serves as the student pastor at Christ Community Church in Little Rock, Arkansas. He has a Biblical Studies degree from Belmont University and an MDiv from Covenant Theological Seminary. He and his wife, May, have three sons: Soren, Aksel, and Isen. Find him on Instagram: @justintalbert.